Ep. 115 - Loss, Transition, Nostalgia & Bigger Mental Maps

In this episode, we explore the intricacies of loss and the path towards transitioning into new chapters. Whether the loss is a personal one or a major shift in your career, this season can feel uncertain and unsettling. Join the conversation as we tour the rearview mirror of nostalgia and the means to expand the map of what's ahead. 

Transcript

I recently had a project come to an end. I had been part of this work for more than 9 months. The full contribution of my talent had waned, but I really enjoyed the people and the work and when the time came for it to wind down, I was disappointed.

I had a call with my business coach that day and I was listing out the different pieces of work I would be transitioning.

“What does this now leave room for?” he asked. 

I looked back at the list I had just made and thought about the time and energy that would now be open. Over the next few days, I felt the slow spread of relief. 

What my brain first framed as a loss of something started shifting to the expanse of space I was getting in return. 

The Bottom Line on Top of this episode is that often things need to be removed in order to make room for something else to fit. 

Everything changes, and everything comes to an end. That is simply the cycle of the world. 

People, places, feelings, ages, and stages – we live in points of time; the here and now. And then there are the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) shifts of transition – the blended blur of Now becoming Then before Next is fully in view. 

A quote that is often attributed to Albert Einstein says: A ship is always safe at shore, but that is not what it’s built for

Loss of anything can trigger emotions about our value, feelings of rejection or replacement. But here’s the thing: we’re supposed to move forward, as are others. 

My son recently turned 21 and during the family events around his birthday, we were all talking about those early days when he and I were in the hospital. The 24/7 care-giving of being new parents. I was a very specific type of mom then and a much different type of mom now. 

When our brains start looking back and forth between then & now, it’s common to want to reach backwards when it feels like the fast forward button is on. 

Part of this contemplation comes from nostalgia and when we align feelings to past events. Nostalgia specifically is attributed to feelings of reverting back to what we view as the best version of our own past. And sometimes that is a happy feeling like when we recall a taste or smell. Nostalgic feelings also activate several regions of the brain and in doing so can induce chemical reactions to the emotions we are experiencing or trying to replicate. 

So when we’re feeling vulnerable – such as in times of transition – we might be tempted to make memories mean something about our current view of ourselves or our situation. 

Episode 74 explored a similar theme in terms of assessing personal value to the math of money. Our brain is wired to look for signals of safety and security. Money is the modern currency that is a core indicator of how secure we feel about circumstances or how we can control those circumstances. So if you’re experiencing a loss or transition where money is involved – even if that math itself is neutral – it’s common for our feelings to flare, especially around stability and value. 

Acknowledge the role of the brain here. It is doing its job in trying to anchor your ship to the shore. That is where your ship is the safest according to your brain.

It’s our job to pull out the map; to see where we have been and where there is room for something more. 

As loss and transition come around – and they always do – acknowledge the journey you had with what was. Allow nostalgia to flip through the photo album of the past. 

And then ask yourself: What does this make room for?

With all the possible paths ahead, the best version of ourselves is in where we go next, not where we’ve already been. 

So sail on, my friends, and I will see you on the other side.