Ep. 140 - 3Ds: Three Quick Actions to Tackle the Too Much

With the New Year comes new ideas and resolutions, cleaning and de-cluttering and the idea of starting anew. And while these processes can feel exciting, they can also feel overwhelming, they can feel like too much. Join in as we look at some tools we can use to tackle the burnout and lighten your load--physically, mentally, and emotionally. Let's make room for what truly matters by unloading the excess and energizing your life!

Transcript

These last few weeks, I have been aware of how much stuff there is all around me. Gifts and gadgets, email and apps, laundry and lists – always something more to do, more to buy. 

And all this stuff around our physical and digital life carries a cognitive cost. Our brain is busy, and it’s tired. 

The Bottom Line on Top of this episode is that you already have the tools you need to lighten your load. So in the spirit of simplifying, this episode offers three tools to stop the spin and find your focus.  

The first is Delete. 

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a remote control for our life where we could easily delete all the extra around us? From messages to stuff in the closet to all those bills, just click-and-delete. 

The vast majority of the things clamoring for our attention aren’t really worthy of it. We’re swimming in spam. Now is the time to purge rigorously. Spend the next couple of days hitting that unsubscribe button, report texts and email as junk, cancel the media channel you don’t watch (or even the one you do!). Don’t weigh the options or shop for a better deal, just click and delete. 

What about those meetings and book clubs, sports and social events, and all the obligatory extras that jam your calendar but that you never really look forward to? That’s the key there. If you dread it, delete it. That goes for people, too. 

A change in year is a great time to opt out of things– start by saying: “My schedule has changed, and I’m no longer able to take part in this.”

Don’t over-explain, just delete. 

Episode 19 highlighted the 10 Minute Kickstart practice and this can help you here. Pick one task (cleaning a kitchen drawer or editing the apps on your home screen, for example) and set a timer for 10 minutes. Sort through what you can in that time and then stop. You might end up spending the whole time debating one thing or you might make a little dent of progress. Using that timebox, such as 10 minutes, helps our brain hyper focus on a micro task. 

In the same spirit is the idea of This or That. Studies have shown that people are more likely to make a quick decision when faced with two choices versus multiple choice. The reason is that we’re already operating in Choice Overload. We’ve been so conditioned by consumerism to believe that if one is good then more is better. 

For example, on my end-I have a lot of black t-shirts for some reason. Now, I’m sure I have reasons why, but the fact is I can only wear one shirt at a time. So in narrowing down my own supply of stuff (and in the spirit of deleting), I used the This or That technique to make a choice between two shirts, one to keep and one to donate. Psychologically, it’s easier to make a decision between two than feel overwhelmed looking at all of them together. 

The final idea in this mental agreement is One In, One Out. That means if I find a new black t-shirt I simply delight in, I make the allowance that it comes into my closet as long as one gets deleted from it–One In, One Out. That way you can allow yourself the option to upgrade by knowing you will delete something to make the space for it. 

The second tool is Decide.

Oh my, this podcast has devoted many episodes to the art and actual brain science of decision making. 

Brain scan imaging shows some decision making happens in a matter of micro seconds – often before we even register it consciously. The brain gives a first signal for Yes or No on each decision that we are faced with. 

But it’s the next, more conscious level of thought where we spend most of our time in decision making. We’re either validating the initial reaction or we’re looking to counterbalance it with additional input. We’re often so focused on trying to make sure we make the right decision that we end up delaying a decision altogether.   

The feeling of responsibility causes cognitive dissonance. We just marinate in thought without taking any actions because it feels like too much to decide on right then.

The difference between feeling overloaded and being avoidant is the frequency of how often you’re using that Pause button and how long you let things stay on pause. Choosing to multitask, procrastinate, research, or sleep-on-it these are all tools to avoid a decision. 

Sure, there are complicated, complex things in our lives that require a lot of thought and involve a lot of details. But details are actions once a decision is made. Details are the “How” you execute on the “What”. 

Watch where indecision collects around you and you’ll likely find the corners where your mind is hiding from decisions.

This isn't about waiting for the right answer to reveal itself to you; it's about trusting that the decision you make today is the right one, for right now. 

Start un-pausing and see what happens. And, remember, you get to change your mind. You just have to make up your mind first.

The third tool is Delegate. 

Confession: If I had been hosting this podcast about 15 years ago, it likely would’ve been called All Things by Myself

I am a recovering over-doer and people pleaser. That was long my orientation before I became a parent, and I still have to practice how to step back and step aside in most areas of my life. 

So the tool of delegation is one I offer with respect and recognition. And with a healthy nudge to really recognize where you do too much for too many. Yes, there is a lot to be done and decided; but does it have to be *you*?

Here are a few prompts to ask yourself the next time you find you are reaching for the steering wheel:

Does someone else have a similar skill? Yes, we’re awesome but we’re not the only awesome ones. Perfectionism and control are close cousins and each allow us to hide behind a fear of not being good enough. It’s when we don’t trust ourselves that we don’t trust others. Confidence comes from sharing the road, so look around and see who else is nearby.  

Can someone else do it better and/or faster? In the maze of our days, it’s easy to start things and then get distracted. The intention is there, but the time just slips away. I have an amazing business partner, Mandi, and she can take things to the finish line much faster than I do. Delegating to her is a decision in getting something done – and done well. You can not run a business from a to-do list and delegation is often the difference between goals and progress. 

Is this something someone else needs to learn? Often our own speed and skills can stand in the way of other people’s development – or independence. My two kids are no longer kids, yet it’s hard to step out of mom mode. When I see myself juggling and they’re nearby, I need to check to see if I’m doing the doing because I always have or because I want to feel important. 

And, finally, can someone else do it good enough? Be careful that the high standards you set for yourself and for others don’t become an excuse for future resentments. The bulk of our day would benefit from just moving things along versus trying to get extra credit. That doesn’t mean we’re always going to like letting go; but ‘good enough’ leaves room for quality in other places. Plus, the dishwasher doesn’t have to be loaded perfectly – or so I keep telling myself. 

To recap, for the days that you’re in a spin, look at what you can Delete, Decide & Delegate. 

They each take practice, and that’s the point. In using them, you already win. 

My wish for you in the new year is that you do far less and enjoy much more. And as you do, be sure to take care to take good care.