Fewer Things Better
Fewer Things Better
Ep. 172 - The Hidden Cost of Holding On: The Less We Own, the More We Have
What if our overflowing closets, packed garages, and cluttered desktops are quietly costing us more than we realize? In this episode, we explore how “owning it all” can actually drain our energy, scatter our focus, and weigh us down emotionally — and why clearing space can feel like a deep breath for your brain. Discover why letting go is so hard (hint: it’s not just laziness), how to work with your brain instead of against it, and simple ways to start small, without stripping your life bare. Find out why your brain struggles in cluttered environments and simple ways to lighten both your shelves and your mind.
Show Notes:
What if having less could actually make you happier?
And by “less,” I mean less of the stashed away stuff that we somehow accumulate over the years. The eclectic mix of keepsakes and hang-on-to’s that all belong to past versions of yourself.
I thought I was pretty good at decluttering… until I moved houses twice in one year and found boxes I didn’t even remember owning.
This is not an annual activity I’d recommend — unless you really enjoy sorting through a mish mash of miscellaneous boxes. But in doing a double move, I’ve had to sort through the closets, cabinets, and corners where life quietly piles up.
While breathing in dusty old memories, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the real inventory of it all— not just of what I’ve kept, but of the emotions that are packed in there too.
The Bottom Line on Top of this episode is that the less we own, the more we actually have.
As modern humans, we live surrounded by abundance — and not just in the #blessed way.
The average U.S. household is estimated to contain more than 300,000 individual items. Think about that for a minute — three hundred thousand. And that stat is from a newspaper article over a decade ago. Regardless of the exact number, each item that we have in our physical space also carries mental space.
Neuroscientists have also found that visual clutter competes for our attention, it increases our cognitive load and it makes it harder to focus. So that goes for all of the digital storage that we are holding onto as well. Our brains are constantly scanning the environment (digital and actual) for what’s important — so when our environments get overstuffed, all of our mental filters get clogged.
So why is it so hard to let things go? Psychology gives us two big clues:
The first is the endowment effect — our tendency to overvalue something simply because it’s ours. That sweatshirt with holes from college? We wouldn’t pay $3 for it in a thrift store, but it feels priceless because it’s “ours.” The same is true for family heirlooms that get passed down, they may not be our taste or we may not have the space, but somehow there is DNA attaching it to our shelves.
The second concept is loss aversion — our brains register the pain of losing something about twice as strongly as the pleasure of gaining something new. Loss aversion activates the amygdala, the part of the brain that processes fear and danger. Which means decluttering can feel oddly emotional. We’re not just deciding about where an object goes — we’re negotiating with our own self and our sense of identity and our history.
Speaking of history, I found myself lugging my wedding dress up two flights of stairs into yet another closet. Here’s the funny part: I’ve been divorced for six years. I don’t feel sentimental about the dress at all — I just haven’t found a place to donate it. And I’m not about to toss it in the trash, so… it moves along with me from closet to closet. It’s simply decision fatigue–not nostalgia. And my brain is already juggling other choices, so it has been quietly avoiding this very large dress.
There are solutions for this, I’m sure, and I’ve even tried to research in the past what to do with it and then stopped when I hit a roadblock. I need to pick up the task again, and yet I procrastinate on it because it’s in a closet and there’s more pressing clutter around and more coming in every day.
Episode 158 talks about how procrastination isn’t always laziness — it’s often emotional avoidance. And that’s exactly what can happen when we delay clearing out our stuff. We put it off not because we don’t care, but because getting rid of it takes more time and brings up more feelings than we expect.
So how do we work with our brains instead of against it? One way is dopamine anchoring — this is when you pair an activity you resist, like sorting through a closet or the junk drawer, with something you enjoy. That could be your favorite playlist, maybe treating yourself to a delicious drink, or listening to one of your favorite podcasts (like this one!).
Over time, your brain starts linking that “declutter” activity with small rewards, making it feel less like a chore and more like an adjacent activity.
I’ve also chosen to donate a lot of things to actual people versus drop off centers and that has given a huge lift to my happiness. Because I am watching my outgrown items get new life in happy new homes.
During the long days of physically handling all the things, I’ve also reflected on the hidden cost of holding on.
- What if our closets sat empty and our lives felt full?
- What if, instead of chasing surplus, we curated quality?
- What if we valued our own time and talent more than our things?
- What if we cherished memories without needing a box to hold them?
- What if feeling truly rich meant not having everything?
Some of the heaviest things we carry aren’t in boxes — they’re in the decisions about what to keep, and what to let go.
In the weeks ahead, look around your space and notice the difference between what you value… and what you’ve simply collected along the way.
And if you’re not sure where to begin, start small (really small):
- Find a cup or dish you don’t use anymore.
- Clear out one shelf in your fridge (and have fun looking at those expiration dates).
- Delete five files from your desktop or apps from your phone.
- Make a photo album of mementos so you can keep the memory without keeping the shelf space.
The point isn’t to strip your life bare — it’s to reclaim space, energy, and attention.
Sometimes, taking care to care less about things is one of the most powerful ways to practice true self-care.