Fewer Things Better
Fewer Things Better
Ep. 177 - Pick Your Hard: The Brain Science of Doing the Uncomfortable
The path we want isn’t always the easiest one. Our brains are wired to seek comfort and avoid risk. It’s a survival instinct—but it also keeps us stuck. Growth often asks us to lean into what feels uncomfortable—whether that’s having a hard conversation, starting something new, or pushing through resistance. In this episode, we’ll talk about why discomfort is often a sign of progress, not a signal to stop.
Show Notes:
We live in a world where so much happens with a click. From shopping carts to online dating, everything seems to be automated. But all this touchscreen technology makes it hard to find the human side of daily life.
My 22-year-old son, Zach, has been living in that world these past few weeks. He’s been applying for jobs, like so many people right now, and for him it seems like every application just… disappears. Into the digital depths.
But last week, he decided to do something different.
Instead of just waiting to get an email response, he printed a hard copy of his résumé, and walked in to talk to someone in person. The first time (I think they were a little confused), they said, “Oh, that manager isn’t here today — they’ll be back tomorrow.”
And at this point, Zach could’ve stopped right there. He could’ve said, “Well, I tried. I’ll just wait for the email.”
But he didn’t. He went back the next day. He stood there again, résumé in hand, and talked face-to-face with someone who actually mattered in the decision.
And here’s the thing: whether he gets the job or not, he got to walk away with something bigger — the knowledge that he could do the uncomfortable thing, and much more likely than anyone else.
The Bottom Line on Top of this episode is that oftentimes the path to what we want requires a good dose of discomfort. Whether it’s job hunting, pitching an idea, trying to get in shape, or just generally putting ourselves out there, there’s science behind why doing the hard things is uncomfortable… and worthwhile.
There’s something courageous about choosing to stand in discomfort — especially in a world that is designed to keep us comfortable.
Our brains love the familiar. Psychologists call it the “status quo bias” — we naturally prefer things to stay the same because it feels safe. And in moments of uncertainty, it’s common to default to the easiest, most predictable choice.
That’s why we fall in line — literally and figuratively.
Years ago, I used to watch this National Geographic TV show called Brain Games with my kids. There was one episode where they did an experiment about social conformity. The setup was in Las Vegas, and they had actors go stand in a random line behind a fake velvet rope that was next to a sign that said, “Line Starts Here.” And when strangers walked by, guess what happened? They lined up, too. For no reason at all, except maybe they should.
We humans are wired for social proof — if other people are doing it, our brains assume we should, too. Sometimes that keeps us safe. But other times, it keeps us stuck.
And here’s the kicker: when we take action beyond what’s expected–like when Zach walked into that store, our brains reward us. Neuroscientists call it the Reward Prediction Error — when something turns out better than we thought. In those cases our dopamine circuits light up. That little “surprise win” makes us want to try again. And that’s important.
Let’s imagine our brain has three circles across it.
- Comfort Zone: Familiar, safe, predictable. Feels good, but little growth happens here.
- Stretch Zone: Also called the learning zone. It’s like the first day of school, it’s awkward and a little scary, but it’s where new skills are built, new relationships can be forged, and your confidence will grow.
- Panic Zone: Push too far, and our nervous system just shuts down. We completely freeze.
There is a psychological principle called the Yerkes–Dodson Law, which says our performance improves when we’re a little stressed — not too little, not too much. But a bit in between our stretch zone and our panic zone. We can kind of find our own sweet spot for growth.
And the thing about that is: every time we choose to step just a little out, we expand the edges of our comfort zone circle.
Now in the times where I start to get a little close to my panic zone, I think about a saying from my friend John, which is: “Pick your hard.”
Life’s going to be hard in different ways. It’s hard to take a risk… but it’s also hard to sit and wait, wondering what might’ve happened or thinking about the goal.
When Zach didn’t just wait for an auto email reply, he learned something new about what he’s capable of.
And I have to admit… I’m not sure my 22-year-old self would’ve done that. I’m not even sure my current-day self would. I’m so reliant on technology.
Sometimes, we can borrow other people’s courage to help us be a little bolder in our own day-to-day.
And like anything, we can practice this — so let’s think about little experiments for our own brain. Like a ladder, we can look at small, medium, and bold stretches.
Start Small — Micro Stretches
These are easy, everyday nudges that flex your courage muscle:
- Say hello to someone first or compliment a stranger.
- Try a new food or playlist you’d never pick otherwise.
- Delete a few apps or close those tabs you keep open but never actually go back to.
- Ask a clarifying question in a group instead of nodding along half paying attention.
Now, if you’re ready to go a little further:
- Try to speak up first in a conversation without waiting and thinking about what you’re going to say.
- Invite someone new to have a conversation, get some coffee.
- Take a different route to break up your routine (I had a friend once who took the opposite, backwards way when she walked her dog and it completely changed her day).
- Say “no” when you’d usually default to “yes.”
- Call instead of emailing — that’s a thing, it can actually happen!
And when you’re ready to go a little further:
- Try asking for feedback on something where you’ve been wanting to grow or change.
- Volunteer for something that stretches your comfort.
- Take a page from episode 171 and find somebody in your life to say thank you, I’m sorry, and I love you too.
- Or, walk in and knock on the door instead of waiting for permission.
And look, your small stretch might be someone else’s bold. The point isn’t about the action or the size of the step — the point is that you take one. Because each time you do, your brain updates its internal story about what you can handle.
Zach is still waiting to hear back about that job, but regardless, he already has a little more courage for next time. And maybe that’s the real takeaway here: the outcome matters less than the growth.
So this week, pick something — just one thing— and stretch one of those zones. Watch how it shifts the way you see yourself.
The more we do uncomfortable things, the more our brain updates its “I can handle this” file— or as I like to think of it, our “I’m kind of a badass.”
And sometimes, at the end of the day the bravest thing you can do in that day… is show up even if no one else does, you know that you did.