Ep. 182 - The Psychology of Time: Why You’re Always Early (or Always Late)

Why are some people often early while others are usually late? In this episode, we explore what your time habits reveal about your brain and the deeper relationship with time — why it always seems to slip away, why we never feel fully caught up, and how our brains shape the way we experience it. Because time isn’t just something we track—it’s something we feel. 

Transcript

Today, we’re starting this episode with a story. 

Three friends are meeting for lunch. The first friend shows up 15 minutes early. They get seated at the table, they are keeping an eye on the door to see when the others arrive, maybe they’re even re-sending the address to make sure everybody knows where to be. The second friend arrives right on time, sliding in at the exact moment of the scheduled meet-up, ready for connection. And the third friend? They text about two minutes before to say that they’ll be five minutes late, which really means 15. 

When you hear this story, do you automatically have people that come to mind? Which one of these friends is most like you? This isn’t just a scene with three people. It’s a snapshot of our different relationships with time.

The Bottom Line on Top of this episode is that time isn’t just something we measure — it’s something we manage. And how we show up says more about us than about the clock. 

We don’t just live by time; we’re always trying to chase it, hoard it, and hack it. And in the process, we rarely feel caught up or present. But what does “caught up” even mean anymore, especially in a digital age where there’s always more things to do that come up faster than we can complete the ones before them? So, let’s go back to our lunch table and take a closer look at how our time habits reveal something deeper about who we are and how we are motivated.

Let’s start with the Time Controllers. They’re the ones who arrive early, remind others about the details, and check in on the ETAs of everyone involved. Showing up early isn’t just about logistics, it’s about reducing uncertainty. The brain craves predictability. For Controllers, being early feels safe. It can also be a way of signaling respect for others, and quietly saying, “I want that same respect back.” 

Time Controllers often experience anticipatory anxiety, the discomfort that comes from not knowing what will happen. So they manage that anxiety by trying to control the timeline. The paradox, of course, is that their very effort to stay ahead can create its own stress, especially when others don’t follow the same rules or rhythm.

Then there are the Time Scavengers. These are the people who try to squeeze in one more thing right before leaving, who think that they can beat traffic, who show up juggling coffee cups and car keys while apologizing as they walk in. Their brains are chasing dopamine - that chemical hit that comes from finishing a task or checking one more box. But here’s the thing: humans are terrible at estimating how long things actually take. So whenever we are making a quick effort to do something, it usually is going to cost and that cost is time.

Psychologists call this the planning fallacy, our own cognitive bias where we consistently underestimate time, even when we know better. Our brains lean toward optimism, predicting best-case scenarios while ignoring delays, transitions, traffic, or even the need to take a breath between tasks. Scavengers aren’t lazy, they’re wired for momentum. They want to feel productive. Better for them to be late than to waste time waiting for others. But when “just one more thing” becomes a pattern, this urgency turns into anxiety.

And then there are the On-Timers - the people who consistently hit the mark just as they’re supposed to. They’re often driven by routine, rhythm, and a deep respect for boundaries. Their brains thrive on synchronization — showing up at the right moment provides a satisfying sense of order. But even On-Timers aren’t immune to time stress. They can experience temporal rigidity, that internal pressure to stay exactly on schedule. If life or others run off track–like the reservation not being found, other people being late– then they’re feeling frustrated or anxious. Their gift is reliability, but their challenge is flexibility.

None of these archetypes are right or wrong. In fact, most of us move between them depending on the situation. Maybe you’re a Time Controller at work but a Time Scavenger at home. Or maybe you live with someone whose time style completely collides with your own — and you’ve felt the tension of mismatched rhythms. In these cases time isn’t neutral. It’s emotional. And these emotions show up in our bodies, in our brains, and in our relationships.

Time Controllers are soothing anxiety by managing variables: “If I’m early, nothing bad can happen, or I can handle it if it does.” 

Time Scavengers are chasing completion: “If I do just one more thing, I’ll feel better and I’ll get ahead so I can enjoy myself.” 

On-Timers are seeking alignment: “If I stay consistent, I can stay calm.” 

But all of us share a deeper truth: no matter how we manage time, we rarely feel ahead of it. Not with our emails, not with our errands, not with our energy. That constant sense of deficit has a name, and we’ll explore it in Part Two of this time series.

In the meantime, here’s a small experiment: notice which archetype you slip into most often this week. Are you trying to control time, scavenge it, or sync with it? And see what’s driving that choice. Is it anxiety, others, urgency, or just habit? This isn’t about changing anything - just noticing it.

Whether you’re the early bird waiting in the parking lot, the on-timer slipping in just as the clock strikes, or the latecomer dashing through the door, each is a signal of how the brain is managing uncertainty in that moment. In our next episode, we’ll zoom out and look at why almost none of us really feel caught up and what science has to say about that constant sensation of being behind.

Until then, just notice your relationship with time itself. Are you in concert with it, or in competition with it? And wherever you can this week, make time to take time to take a little extra good care.