Ep. 183 - Time Matters, Part 2: The Myth of Catching Up (& Why We Always Feel Behind)

This episode explores the feeling of always being “behind” and chasing the finish line of being “caught up."  What happens when we slow down long enough to look at why we feel so rushed, what that pace is costing us, and how to reclaim small moments of presence in the middle of real life? We’ll go over a few simple strategies to help start experiencing more of the day you’re actually in. 

Transcript

Time Matters, Part 2: The Myth of Catching Up (& Why We Always Feel Behind)

Hello friends - Welcome back to our Time Matters series. Today we’re talking about something many of us feel but rarely name: that sense of always being behind. 

As I was preparing for this episode, I kept thinking of an early 90s country song from the band Alabama that has this chorus:
I’m in a hurry to get things done, I rush and rush until life’s no fun. All I really gotta do is live and die, but I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.

I love that song, and thirty years ago, we already knew something was off. And then, by the late 1990s, psychologists gave it a name: time famine. That is what describes the sensation of being perpetually rushed and overwhelmed. And that was before we carried the internet in our pockets!

The Bottom Line on Top of this episode is that in our rush to get caught up, we miss the part we’re actually living. 

We tell ourselves that the reward will come later.
 Once the inbox is empty.
 Once the laundry is done.
 Once work or school slows down.
 Once we do this for that person. 
 Once we get through “this week.”

But caught up is not a real finish line. It moves every time we approach it. That “to-do” list just refills. The needs return. The world keeps asking.

It isn’t that the day lacks hours. It’s that we’ve trained ourselves to postpone the present. We skip the step of being where we are in favor of a more fulfilling future that always feels just beyond reach. 

A big contributor to this is what I call the productivity gold rush. There is always a new app, a new planner, a new system, a new reset routine. Each one is marketed to give us the illusion of control. And there is a little dopamine boost each time we purchase something, add it to our cart. It feels like progress even before we get started but it doesn’t change the fact that tools cannot make time hackable. Each promise that this will help us get ahead also quietly reinforces the belief that we are already behind.

And sometimes, staying busy actually serves as a buffer. If we stay in motion, we don’t have to feel the lingering loneliness. Instead, we fill our days, our screens, and our schedules, not only to get ahead, but to avoid what stillness might feel like.

But the real texture of life only happens in the here-and-now. In the messy kitchen. The stop-and-start tasks. The conversation we are only half listening to. But also the laughter, the recognition, the frustration, the figuring-it-out. 

So instead of trying to be caught up, what if we shifted towards being caught in? Caught in the moment we are actually living. Caught in the conversation we’re having. Caught in the ordinary, which is where the best parts of life actually happen. Feeling behind–it’s just a feeling, it’s not a fact.

So, okay, yes, let’s look at what to do with this.

If “caught up” isn’t a real endpoint, then we are the ones in charge of setting a realistic finish line for the day. This is not about doing less. It’s about deciding where to stop.

High achievers and over-doers don’t burn out because they haven’t hacked some system. They burn out because the day has no boundary. The mind never gets to close the loop. The body never gets to rest, much less enjoy.

Here are a few thoughts on how to help make a subtle shift. 

Step One: Simplify Your System
You’re already smart and savvy, you don’t need to keep learning more or buying more so you can eventually do less.

Take a quick mental inventory of the productivity tools, tips, and tricks that you’ve collected and see which one actually feels most do-able–most like you. Lean in to that and leave the other articles, apps, and podcasts (even this one) off to the side just for a bit.

Step Two: Give Time a Container
Now switch to deciding on a quantity of effort versus an all-or-nothing checklist. This is about focusing on getting started vs. getting it all done.
Examples could be:
 • Draft the opening paragraph to that email
 • Finish one glass of water
 • Return three messages–and then stop
 
Step Three: Close the Action on Purpose
Know when you will stop (back to that quantity) before you even start. This allows your brain to rest a little bit, and lets your brain give credit for action taken. And as a gift with purchase, micro-progress builds momentum. 

That is part of the rewiring. That is the nervous system learning: I decide the endpoint. Not the endless list or endless line of requests. Just me.

This is how we start to live inside life as it is, not wait for it to finally be tidy. Or finally be ready.
Yes, I know this sounds too simple. That’s actually the point.

Stopping to acknowledge the steps allows the brain to take a beat and consider:
What would it feel like to stop chasing the feeling of being done? What could I do if I wasn’t always doing? 

A happy life isn’t waiting at the end of some list. It’s happening in the messy middle of it all. The ordinary moments are the living part.

For today, focus on your finish line just for today; not for all-the-things. 
Just today, just for you. It’s an important way you can take time to take care of you.