Ep. 184 - Time Matters, Part 3 | The Economics of Time & How to Stop Donating Yours

We often treat our time like an unlimited resource: available, affordable, and always open for others. But constantly giving without re-calibrating comes at a real cognitive and emotional cost. This third episode in the four-part Time Matters series explores how our brains confuse constant helpfulness with connection, why setting limits can feel uncomfortable, and how to confidently restructure your “operating hours” so your time and energy reflect their true value. 

Show Notes:

Ep. 49 --https://youtu.be/yhLWA-46y7A

Ep. 74 -- https://youtu.be/Sz35XU4HEqE

Transcript

Imagine there’s a small convenience store within walking distance of where you live. The lights are always on, the door’s always open, the shelves are always stocked, the prices are low, and sometimes things are even free. People love this store because they know it will always have just what they need. 

Now imagine that you’re the one running that store. 

You know people love it; they always tell you so and they’re always referring other customers. Business is booming, but there isn’t any staff. It’s just you. The prices have been the same for so long and customers expect them to stay low, even if they don’t realize the effort it takes to keep that store fully stocked. 

This store that you own and operate is a metaphor for how accessible your time is to others. Like most of us, your prices and store hours are probably long overdue for an update. Your time has value as much as any tangible product. To reset expectations with your customers, you don’t have to close the business; but you do need to let them know it’s under new management.

The Bottom Line on Top of this episode is that time is not just something that is spent. It’s something to be managed, marketed, protected, and priced appropriately. 

Every hour of ours has a cost, not just in the time spent but in how that time is valued. This episode is an up-close look at the neuroeconomics of time. Your brain is your cognitive CFO, and it runs an internal accounting system that is designed to audit how you are investing - or donating - your daily asset of time, energy, and returns.

Every time someone needs you, the brain releases a quick hit of dopamine that says, “Look at me, I matter. I’m helpful. I’m useful.” That’s the short-term reward loop of being everyone’s go-to resource. But over time, it starts to feel like you’re operating an emotional Costco - free samples, oversized help, and ongoing bargains. 

The problem is that dopamine rewards anticipation more than it rewards completion, so we say yes to get the points but then we end up paying interest when the invoice comes due on all those things we offered. 

Sometimes this in itself becomes a way of procrastinating by being productive for other people. If we stay busy with other people’s problems, we have an altruistic excuse why we aren’t working on our own. For more on this if that hits hard, check out Episode 49 which is called Other People’s Problems: How Good Deeds Become Distractions.

But there’s also a conflict cost. Our brain has a region called the anterior cingulate cortex (or ACC) and it  plays a key role in both emotional and cognitive functions like processing pain, regulating emotion, and decision-making. The ACC lights up whenever we are feeling torn. That push-pull between “I should help” and “I need a break” isn’t imaginary; it’s neurological static happening in your head. 

We discount our own labor because our brain weighs the immediate belonging with a group or person and avoidance of discomfort higher than our own energy sustainability.

Indecision literally hurts, which is why so many of us end up saying yes just to quiet and quell that discomfort. And sometimes that pain isn’t just internal. When you’ve always been the helper and the fixer, the first few “no thank you’s” can create real social conflict. People might be surprised. They might even push back. “Hey, what happened to my favorite corner store that always has what I need when I need it?”

And experiencing this resistance doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong; it means you’re resetting appropriate expectations. And the people who resist your new boundaries the most are often the ones who benefited the most from you not having many boundaries.

Years of reliability also create a loyalty tax. We say to ourselves: “I’ve always done it, so I should keep doing it.” That’s the sunk-cost fallacy; we’ve already invested so much into this job, degree, friendship, relationship, etc. Add it all up and it’s easy to see why we stay open. The brain mistakes constant availability for connection.

But you’re not a 24-hour drive through window. Stop subsidizing your value for everyone else’s convenience. You get to have limited hours, limited inventory, and actual pricing.

So let’s talk about what “under new management” looks like. It starts with simple, clear communication. 

First, update your hours and let people know
If someone invites you to something or asks for something for which you don’t have the time, energy, or interest, say:  “I really appreciate that, but I’m not able to at this time.” No excuses. 
Just display the Closed sign. 

Also, instead of replying instantly to everyone all the time, reply during store hours. Allow people the chance to source and solve their own questions and issues with other people, or even with themselves. 

Second, review your inventory
If someone is coming in and asking for a kind of help you no longer carry, you can say, “That’s not something I have capacity for right now, but here’s what is in stock and here’s our new hours.” Then point them to what you genuinely like to offer with your presence, your perspective, your support but in a smaller size. Or better yet, refer them to another store that has what they want. 

Third, update your pricing
Your time has value and when people are reacting to new boundaries, you can say, “I understand this is a change, and it’s a reflection of current times.” There’s a cost of living increase, and there’s also a cost of doing increase. Both matter.

These intentional updates teach people how to value your time in today’s money. This isn’t just time management. It’s energy economics.

In the week ahead, choose one thing old management would have automatically said yes to or provided. This week, allow new management to review the ask and compare it to the operating cost. You get to decide when and how the store is run.

Changing your relationship with time doesn’t require perfection; only participation. And participation starts when you decide your own time is worth full price.

Thanks for joining part three of the Time Matters series. Next up we will find the Time Toolkit that puts the right mix into real life for you. Thanks for being on this journey and I honor your new prices.