Fewer Things Better
Fewer Things Better
Ep. 186 - Why Personal Notes Still Matter (+ What They Do to the Brain)
In a world built for speed, the smallest slow moments often matter the most. In this episode, we explore the brain science behind surprise, delight, and why personalized effort boosts connection, dopamine, and emotional well-being. You’ll learn how small, intentional gestures can cut through digital noise—especially during busy seasons—and create lasting impact. This is your micro-nudge to pause, reach out, and let a little intentional kindness travel farther than you think.
Show Notes:
Why Personal Notes Still Matter (+ What They Do to the Brain)
Just the other day, I came in from walking my dog on one of those rainy mornings where everything felt just gray and groggy. The kind of morning where your shoes start to squish, there’s no stopping and smelling any flowers, and even my dog was acting like she’s never seen rain before - and we live in Seattle.
Since I was already soaked and slow, I stopped and checked the mailbox. In between the usual flyers was a real surprise. I got an actual piece of mail. From somebody I met only a couple of months ago at an event.
And what makes this even more delightful is that I have moved twice in the last year, so anything that makes its way to my current address that isn’t a bill, feels like it deserves a round of applause. I stood there in the drizzle, and was just smiling at an envelope that somehow felt like sunshine.
It reminded me of a time a few years ago, I put up a challenge online. I had gotten a stack of smiley-faced postcards, and I offered to mail one to anyone who wanted a quick moment of joy. It was fun. A few people responded, I sent some things out and there was one woman who I barely knew and she asked for one.
So I mailed her a postcard and then a couple weeks later she mailed me one back. I still have her card pinned to a bulletin board in my office. It’s always been a reminder that words can travel farther than we think and that effort often lands with more meaning than whatever the words actually were.
The Bottom Line on Top of this episode is that in a world built for convenience, taking the longer route might create a connection that we are all craving.
Years ago before I launched into entrepreneur life, I spent many years working in travel hospitality and marketing. There is a well-known concept in that industry called “surprise and delight.” It’s the little things that make something memorable like towel animals on the bed, or a fruit plate delivered with care, or even a room upgrade you never expected but will absolutely post on social media.
There is real science behind why these things feel so good. When something positive happens unexpectedly, the brain releases more dopamine than it does for a predictable reward.
That small spark of surprise makes the moment feel richer and more memorable. It also strengthens our social bond with the brand (like the hotel you stayed at), or the place (like that was such a great vacation), or the person responsible for the gesture. More simply said, surprise makes kindness stick.
As we head into the holiday season, including Thanksgiving here in the United States, a lot of us are starting to think about gratitude, gatherings, and gifts. There is always a lot of noise about buying, ordering, delivering, and adding things to a cart. But my experience this week brought me back to a different kind of giving. One that lives in the long route instead of the fast lane.
In Episode 17, I first talked about the hidden cost of convenience. The idea that every shortcut we take is a detour from something else. In our desire to save time, we might be clipping corners on connection and then wasting that same time we saved on techy distractions.
Convenience absolutely has its place - I love me some delivery options. But when it becomes our default–especially with people, it can quietly pull us away from the small moments that make life feel textured.
There is psychology behind this as well. Social Cognition research, shows that when we take time to personalize something, even briefly, the recipient experiences a stronger sense of being valued. The brain interprets personalized effort as social significance.
That is just one reason why handwritten notes feel different from pre-printed cards or automated messages. Our brain sorts through everything and detects intention.
So when someone takes a little more time, or chooses the slower path, or writes something even imperfectly by hand, the brain receives it as: “You matter enough for me to pause my day.” And that stands out in today’s digital landscape.
This does not mean that you have to go out and write a novel to somebody. It doesn’t have to be a handwritten card if that feels overwhelming to you and stops you. It can just be a thoughtful text, or a slightly longer email. Maybe a voice memo. A note tucked somewhere it will be found later. A message, your message–through any channel - says to someone else, “Hey, I thought of you.”
There is a lot of research about long-term attention spans shrinking and the rise of decision fatigue. In this season where the days are darker and our cognitive load tends to be going up, sometimes the most memorable gestures come from slowing down. Just a small pause in a busy world becomes its own form of generosity.
So here is your micro-nudge:
Think of someone who might appreciate a small surprise. Someone who might need a little moment of delight in the middle of their own busy world. Reach out in some way. No polish needed. No pressure to be profound or say the perfect thing. Just take a few extra moments for no extra reason.
Every shortcut saves time, but it can also skip the connection. Sometimes the slow way is the way that people feel seen.
As for me, I found and dusted off my stamps.
I have a few smiles I intend to send out into the world.
I hope the week ahead gives you opportunities to do the same - and maybe receive some as well.
And on that note, if there is ever a moment when a smile might be welcome in your world wherever that is, you can always find me at hello@unlockthebrain.com. So until then, take a little extra care to care for others. It’s an excellent way to take care of you too.