.png)
Fewer Things Better
Fewer Things Better
Ep. 194 - Money Matters: How and Why We Spend (or Don’t)
In this episode, we unpack the hidden psychology of money and why finances often trigger stress, avoidance, guilt, or overthinking. We’ll explore what happens in the brain when money enters the conversation, why certain financial habits are so hard to change, and how patterns like over-giving or over-restricting can show up as a form of self-protection. If you’ve ever wondered why money feels emotional, this conversation will help you understand your wiring—and move forward with more clarity and confidence.
Show Notes:
If this conversation connected for you, you might also like:
Episode 184 – Time Matters: Under New Management
Exploring how we price, protect, and respect our time and energy.
Episode 74 – Value, Money, and Discomfort
On why money conversations feel charged and how discomfort can be informative.
Episode 104 – The Power of Compounding
How small, consistent investments(both financial and personal) build real returns over time.
Money Matters: How and Why We Spend (or Don’t)
Hey there! I’m starting today’s topic with a few questions that are for you:
- Think back to the last thing you bought for yourself. Not a practical thing, something you intentionally wanted. How much did you spend on it?
- Now, think about giving a gift to a loved one. What’s an amount you can spend without having to think twice?
- Would you tell your best friend how much money you have and how much money you make?
Your answers to these are just for you. The intent was to see where, how, and to whom you might have a reaction on the subject of money.
Research suggests that money is one of the most uncomfortable things for people to talk about. A 2025 survey found that more Americans would rather discuss politics or religion than their own financial situation, and that’s saying something.
Recently, I heard someone say, “No one ever talked to me about money growing up.”
That hit hard. It’s hard to update or outgrow a story that we haven’t named.
The Bottom Line on Top of this episode is that what was said, or wasn’t said, can silently shape our own beliefs and values about the role that money has in our life - and the space it takes up in our brain.
Money is not just math. We humans attach meaning to it, we make decisions based on it, and often tie our sense of value to it. In the brain, our story about money is closely linked to our safety, our identity, and control.
That’s why money behavior rarely changes just because income or circumstances change.
Now, I grew up in a house where money was stressful. Bills were talked about but with tension, and only in what I overheard. They never spoke to us directly so money, I came to believe, was something that adults would worry about.
What is interesting is that later in life, when I had my own family and financial stability, those early messages were still evident.
My kids will still tease me about how I will go out of my way to do a return, like $7. And it’s true! I love getting money back, I love a good deal and I can also recognize some of that as old wiring. And it feels like proof…that I’m being careful not to waste money.
Let’s take a look at what is happening in the brain during all of this.
When we think about money, the brain does not stay purely logical. Our social and emotional circuitry lights up. This includes areas involved in our decision making, our empathy, and our emotions, but also within our limbic system, which is deeply tied to keeping us safe.
Money becomes a signal. Am I secure? Do I have enough? What are other people thinking about my circumstances?
That is why conversations about money can also trigger our own racing thoughts, or increasing heartbeat, or we find ourselves being avoidant, or overthinking, or impulsive. Those reactions are not signs that something is wrong. It’s a sign that the nervous system learned something and it’s still trying to send you a message.
Then there is also a reward component. The brain registers visible wins as proof that we are smart or careful or in control.
That’s why getting a small return like $7 can feel satisfying even when it actually took more time or energy than it is worth.
On the flip side, avoidance becomes a tool that we also use in the short term to give us temporary relief. But cognitively, avoiding money just turns it into background noise, which then quickly drains our energy.
When we move from the brain to our personal behavior, there are two patterns that often show up around money: generosity and frugality.
In circumstances where generosity goes too far, or where we were taught that indulgence was part of love we will undercharge for our own value, or we might overgive, or we end up saying yes just to avoid discomfort. We will pay with money or time to keep things smooth or to express our emotions.
On the other side, when there was scarcity as part of the story, frugality can go too far. We might delay rest, support, comfort, medical treatment, or even accepting help. We will overthink even small decisions. We’re going to operate on far less than we would ever expect of others. Sometimes it even shows up as having difficulty receiving things from other people.
These are all understandable responses to the quiet stories we’ve been carrying.
So in our storytime it’s worth doing a fact check:
- Are there places (or people) where you are too generous with money, time, or energy and are there places where you will intentionally be generous to avoid discomfort?
- Are there places where you are too frugal, especially with yourself, out of old habits or fear?
- When you get uncomfortable about money, what reaction is most common: do you find yourself avoiding something, or start to feel the burn of shame, or anger, or is there something else that comes up?
This is not about fixing your finances or running an internal audit. It is about noticing what your brain is telling you and deciding if that still serves you.
How we act as adults with money is not about ignoring or erasing our previous history. It is about choosing which parts still get to be a part of the operating system.
Those meanings will stick around until we intentionally replace them with something that fits better who we are today.
So in the week ahead find a place to practice this: Make one intentional money decision.
- Say no to something that is asked that is underpriced.
- Say yes to a supportive spend, or to receiving support with grace.
- Notice when you are chasing a small win (I do that with promo codes online too much) and ask yourself is this 10% code that I just got worth the 20 minutes I just spent searching for it?
- Invest in something that is of service, or delight, to you. Not as a money exercise–sometimes the best way to invest is with your time or less worry.
Money matters not because it defines us, but because it reveals how we value our time, our energy, and ourselves.
It’s okay to outgrow a long ago story, we can still acknowledge it and move on from it. The important part is deciding what story you want to live now.
Take care to take care of your money. It’s here to take care of you.